Andrew Marr is a medically retired Special Forces Green Beret and cohost of the Warrior Soul Podcast who's suffering with Traumatic Brain Injury and subsequent recovery through the help of Dr. Mark Gordon led him to start the Warrior Angels Foundation to help other veterans alleviate their TBI symptoms through hormone and nutrition replenishment. His book, Tales from the Blast Factory: A Brain Injured Special Forces Green Beret Back from the Brink is due out later this year.
In late June of 2016 my brother Adam, my oldest daughter Hailee, some of the Warrior Angels Foundation team, and myself were in New York City for a media blitz. This was my first trip to the big Apple. One of the days had some down time built in and we had planned to meet one of my brother Adam’s best friends Charlie who worked in the city. Charlie and Adam had served together as Army Apache Helicopter pilots. Charlie was in between his first and second year pursuing a MBA from Columbia and was interning at a financial institution for the summer. The office Charlie worked out of was adjacent to ground zero, the site where the twin towers stood prior September 11, 2001.
When it was decided, we’d meet Charlie for lunch I was unaware that we would walk through ground zero to link up. As we departed the taxi I immediately felt a surge of energy that almost knocked the wind out of me. I had felt a similar feeling once when I visited the killing fields just outside of Phenom Phen, Cambodia. The Khmer Rouge regime tortured and executed more than 2 million Cambodians, a quarter of the country’s population during its reign of terror from 1975 to 1979. The death camp I visited near the Cambodian capital had a massive tree in the courtyard of the camps installation. I was told the regime had used this specific tree as a field expedient way to execute newborns. The babies would be held by their feet and then swung at full momentum to bash their heads into the side of the tree and then hurled into a mass grave.
I remember there being a distinct feel to the entire camp. I took no pictures and my buddy and I hardly spoke during or after the tour. This was the first time I wondered if matter could hold onto memories. The overwhelming sensation felt was one that I had become acutely aware of, suffering and death.
As we approached the 9/11 Memorial I began to process where we were at. I felt something surging inside and outside of my body and I started to become emotional. I could feel the energy of those individuals who had to decide to jump or be burned alive. I could feel the first responders. I then became aware of the hardship and sacrifice that many have endured because of that day at that specific location in time and space. I reflected on all the combat zones I’d been and I hurt for the families of the ones who were no longer with us. I remember stopping at one of the waterfalls set within the footprint of what would have been one of the towers. I put my hands down and felt some of the inscribed names of the fallen and began to weep. I wasn’t mentally prepared to deal with the onslaught of emotions that visit created. Until that time, I had never processed the impact that day has had on myself, my family, or the countless others that were also affected.
I had done everything I could do to improve my quality of life but the experience I encountered at ground zero led me to believe that there were most likely things tucked away deep in my subconscious that were still clogging me up. I began to grasp that my body somehow held onto some trauma’s that I didn’t know how to confront and release. It wasn’t that I was running from an emotion or experience, far from it. I wanted to get to and unlock it, I just didn’t know what it was or how.
I was fortunate to be a guest along with Dr. Mark L Gordon on the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast episode #700. It was a few months after that podcast that I heard Joe speak about his DMT and 5Meo DMT experiences, and what he reported intrigued me. I began to research psychedelics to better my own understanding.
A friend of mine with first-hand experience on the effectiveness of 5MeO DMT introduced me to Dr. Martin Polanco of the Ibogaine Crossroads Treatment center. I had heard Dr. Polanco and Dr. Dan Engle on a Tim Ferriss podcast titled Are Psychedelic Drugs the Next Big Breakthrough? Dr. Polanco set me up to receive 5MeO DMT.
The following excerpt was taken from Ibogaine Crossroads Treatment center’s preparation document,
5-MeO-DMT is a potent neurotransmitter produced inside the human brain. When ingested from an external source, such as from the venom of the Bufo-Alvarius toad, it has the faculty of producing intense mystical experiences, allowing you to transcend your ego, witnessing first- hand the interconnectedness of all life. The use of this medicine is for healing purposes of integral wellness, and not as a recreational drug.
5-MeO-DMT is a very powerful psychedelic tryptamine that produces a mystical, out-of-body experience for participants. It comes from the Sonoran Desert toad venom, and has been found in other plant species. It is natural and completely life transforming. It is very intense, there is no way to completely prepare someone for this experience. Some refer to it as a controlled ego- death. In the beginning, it is very strong until the body learns how to surrender and let go, which moves you into a state of bliss, peace, love, and gratitude.
Important to Know
An experience like this can change your life forever in just 10 minutes. In less than 10 seconds your mind and sensory faculties expand to a higher and broader state of consciousness. Most experience a bigger picture awareness where everything in their life makes more sense and feels in better balance. This experience usually falls into the top 3 or 5 most significant moments in a person’s life.
Although this experience is a positive turning point for most (some in time), it is important to know that you are inviting big changes and shifts into your life. These shifts are likely ones to happen anyway, but your experience might bring them on faster. Your worldview and framework for living life can shift in small or big ways. Unfinished business from your past can surface and you may feel difficult emotions as you process and release big energies.
You might have a beautiful and easy experience or you might have a more intense and uncomfortable experience. We suggest surrendering to whatever kind of experience you do have and trust that you will have the exact experience you need most whether it makes sense to you at first or not. Every experience is a new experience and unlike any other before.
Once you decide to embark on a sacred medicine experience, the work begins. You might start feeling more anxious than normal, you might start feeling more ambitious too. You may start to feel new or old things stirring up inside of you. Your work starts now. Be patient with yourself, allow yourself to acknowledge and feel what comes up. Look to each moment as an opportunity to do your work in real time. Observe your patterns to escape, numb, or ignore these moments and set the intention to be with them, to be open and to learn. You can practice this work now to help you surrender with more ease during your experience.
All details of my 5MeO DMT experience are from my subjective point of view. I inhaled the 5MeO DMT and kept it in my lungs for about a 10 count. As I exhaled I laid flat on my back and began to do what felt like Tai Chi movements with my arms. I noticed that as I moved my arms more in this manner that I had trail arms that were following behind my arm movements. The guide and the others in the room said afterword’s it appeared that I was flapping my arms as though I had wings.
Next, I became completely consumed with an energy sensation that cannot be described by any spectrum of human experience or imagination. The force was so strong that for a moment in time I felt like I would not be able to endure it. The sensation was so overwhelming and without comparison, my mind did not know what was happening. I told myself to relax and then boom, I popped through it. I’ve now read many accounts of others like mine. The best way it’s been described is to imagine your body strapped to a rocket and then launched from one dimension into another. There’s no way to convey the sensation to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but that’s a good start.
The next thought I remember having was, “there’s more to it than I thought,” as I began to feel the presence of what I can only describe as “the source.” My subconscious and conscious mind seemed to become one. I felt directly connected to the source in a state of pure awareness. I became independent of any association and notion to the illusion of a self. I then began to relive past experiences as if they were taking place in real time. The difference this time around was that I could experience these past experiences as an independent observer united in a field of pure awareness.
I became cognizant that I was both in the room and experiencing these past experiences at the same time, all while being connected to the field. The processes I went through next allowed me to release trauma’s that my subconscious held onto without my conscious mind knowing it. I relived and came to understand the effects of being in combat for my children’s births, the difficult time period when my two boys were fighting for their lives’, past combat experiences that went south, I had conversations with the dead and spoke to and grieved with some of their parents. I felt something was guiding what experiences needed to be relived and released as if there were predetermined priorities of work for what needed to be addressed. I remember observing a thought that seem to say, ok which experience next. I then observed and was guided through a process that visually shifted through memories, it was as if they were held in glass panes like computer files. I remember something coming from me conveying non-verbally, “no, no, not that one, not now, not important,” and then boom back into an experience that was being relived and as a part of the field of pure awareness.
The past experiences that were focused only went back three years, but going through what all my family and I encountered in that brief amount of time it seemed like we were in our third or fourth lifetime. I wept through what felt was the majority of the experience. After reliving past experiences what I assume was my subconscious, began narrating. I kept repeating the following,
“I contribute and perform to the best of my abilities,
I contribute and perform to the best of my abilities,
I contribute and perform to the best of my abilities,” over and over again.
Next it was, “contribute, contribute, contribute,” on and on.
“I can take it, I can take it, take that pain out of him and put it on me, I can shoulder it.
Don’t make my boys suffer I can take it, put it on me.
I did the absolute best I could, I didn’t know it was there.
I brought everybody home,” sobbing repeating, “I brought everybody home,
I brought everybody home.
I’m so sorry I couldn’t get to him in time, I did the best I could do.
I couldn’t get to him in time, I did the best I could, I couldn’t get to him in time.
I did the best I could, I did the best I could, I did the best I could.
I am the standard of a man for my family, I am the standard of a man for my family.
Put it on my back, I can take it, I’ll carry it, please stop their suffering.
I don’t want them to suffer anymore, put it on me. I can take it.
Contribute, contribute, contribute, contribute.”
I then became totally encompassed in the energy field of pure love, not as something separate but as part of this greater love field where I stayed engulfed in the pure awareness of the connectedness of all. I seem to teeter in out of the two realms before returning totally to my physical body. What felt to be a millennia of experience took place over the span of about thirty minutes. I remember coming to looking over at my buddy, a hardened Navy SEAL. It was apparent that he too had been crying, everyone had. We locked eyes and he said, “that was fucking intense.” Shortly after the experience the guide noticed my Warrior Angel Foundation polo shirt and said, “It all makes sense now. You are The Warrior Angel.”
My 5Meo DMT journey was a visionary dream like review of past memories and experiences. I was able to surrender to the comfort zone of the field, merging my conscious and subconscious together as a part of the pure awareness and love that is the field. This allowed me to revisit and release things from my past that my conscious self was unaware of.
The gifts from receiving 5MeO DMT has had a profound impact on my life. Coming out of that journey released pain and trauma that had been trapped deep inside me. I walked away with a complete sense of fulfillment and validation. I was so proud of what that state of pure awareness revealed to me. It revealed that I was living my life’s purpose, to contribute and perform to the best of my abilities in the service of others. Every experience I relived was a direct result of carrying the accompanying burdens from a life of service. I felt as though it was my subconscious mind that had been narrating and it showed me that I had in fact been able to program at least part of my subconscious mind.
The statements my subconscious narrated were default mechanisms produced by my foundational level of mental training. When my brain and body began to fail it was my trained subconscious that put into action the plan I’d preprogrammed it with. This was what allowed me to fight when my brain was short circuiting. This is why I am alive today.
Additional insights revealed that there were other programs/beliefs systems that were being carried out by my subconscious mind that I would never consciously do or want to do. Becoming aware of them allowed me to let go of failed programs/belief systems that do not serve my purpose. I feel as though my consciousness and subconscious minds are synched up and working together in unison. Before this experience and after all my head trauma’s I had become very analytical. I was very strategic in all things; some would say almost robotic. Through the mentorship of Dr. Gordon, I’ve been able to keep my brain in a neuro-permissive environment, free of inflammation, with all neurosteroids and neuro-active steroids kept at their pristine physiological levels. My life before 5MeO DMT was wonderful, full of purpose and true fulfillment. I was contributing and performing to the best of my abilities. It’s my understanding that the 5Meo DMT which is a neurotransmitter found in the pineal gland of our brain, works to essentially reset our neuronal cell receptor pathways.
This neuroendocrine reset has allowed me to go from being left brain dominant to activating both hemispheres of my brain to now work in unison in what’s known as hemi-sync or whole brain activation. Where I could not access it before, I now have a greater empathy and feeling of connectedness to all things. Achieving whole brain activation has allowed a higher cognition and level of creativity. My abilities to communicate and listen have also been heightened. I was able to salvage past relationships that had been damaged from a place of compassion and understanding, free of judgement or feelings for retribution. I came to understand that it is the subconscious programs that were causing so many problems. It’s often not the person but a failed belief system that was downloaded into their operating system without their consent or knowledge that results in many of life’s hardships. I recognized that the programs and failed belief systems that don’t serve us anymore are often times what’s holding us back, and we have the ability to stop that cycle.
My experience has exponentially improved a quality of life that prior to 5MeO DMT was an 11 out of a possible 10. It served to validate my purpose while opening me up to the additional healing aspect this could have on the rest of the population especially combat Veterans. I’ve been inspired and empowered with the knowledge that we hold both the question and answer within. We are the creators of our world. What we think becomes reality. This profound awakening has delivered a higher consciousness and greater love; it can be attained by anyone.