Something I discovered as a much younger man is this: never allow yourself to fall into blind hatred of anyone or anything.
When you do, you open your mind to easy influence and you make yourself predictable. You lose your character, your morals, and your integrity. That’s because your voice is no longer your own. Instead, a good portion of the thoughts in your head become those placed there by the very thing you hate. You lose focus on your own path, and instead you focus on that outside force, person, or thing that you loath.
This is what makes you predictable. If you hate something or someone, anything related to what you hate can change your mood and your mindset. It can interrupt your focus and pull you away from even the most important of your affairs.
This doesn’t just mean hatred of other people or things, it also includes hatred of yourself. For a lot of people, self hatred is the number one thing holding them back. Whenever they try to work for anything or achieve anything, negative self talk comes in. The voices start “you’re not good enough to be doing this.” “You should stop now before you fail.” Just as you would do in blind hatred of someone else, you pull your eye off of your goal and you put it straight onto all the reasons why you hate yourself.
I know this because self hatred has kicked my ass up and down the road more times than I can count. I’ve been there with hating other people too. That’s like a drug, and whenever I’ve taken it, it’s like falling into a super until I wake up months or years later wondering what happened to my life.
How do you keep yourself from falling into it?
Understand that hating someone is going to take more from you than it ever will from them.
If you’ve got people who’ve done you wrong in your life, either forgive them or get them out of your life quickly. Forgiveness is often hard because you think you’re giving in. But it’s not about giving in, it’s about regaining focus on what’s important. The more you hate a person, the more you give your life and your thoughts over to them. They aren’t worth it.
If forgiveness isn’t an option hit the delete button. Erase them from your phone, delete them from social media, and block them. Do everything you can to move on with your own life rather than focusing on theirs.
If those people you hate are public figures or politicians, stop watching the news. Keep yourself off the internet. Stop worrying about what they’re doing. Focus instead on yourself. Build your life, build your career, build your family, build your business, and build your finances. If you want to have an impact on the world, you need to make sure that you’re able to have that impact. Beyond your right to vote, which you should do, having a bigger impact on society comes from having success and a story to tell.
At the end of the day people don’t care much for victims. They’ll pay attention to them for a little while, but once they’re used up by whatever cause they’re the poster child for, they get tossed out when the news cycle ends. People who create their own success have staying power, and they only way you can be one of those people is to focus on your path and not on what others do.
If the person you hate most is yourself, then you have to put some work into being your own friend again. You make up to yourself by acknowledging your own imperfections, and then putting work in to fix them. But that also means that you need to forgive yourself.
How do you forgive yourself? You earn that forgiveness. Commit to a small goal. Work toward that goal. Accomplish it. When you do, you’ll have earned some more trust in yourself. After that, try for a bigger goal and repeat the process. Stop hating yourself and create that bargain. It’ll start a relationship that will last you the rest of your life.