Fixing Your Relationship with Luis Congdon

Chris Albert 00:00:01 (link to this point)

The Warrior Soul podcast is written, edited, and produced by me, Albert. Our mission is to provide tools, tactics, strategies, and ideas that help The US military veteran community to show up as the wisest, strongest, most capable versions of themselves in the civilian world. If you're not a veteran, stick around because anything we talk about will most certainly apply to you as well. This podcast is made possible with the help of F Bomb Nutrition. They make delicious packets of fats that you can carry around anywhere with you in little portable packets.

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Really great company. If you wanna get 20% off your first order of f bombs, head over to www.dropanfbomb.com and use the code Warrior Soul at checkout. This podcast is also brought to you with the help of Save the Brave. Savethebrave.org is a five zero one c three charity for veterans. They run camaraderie events that include fishing, golfing.

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Let's get into today's programming.

This is Chris Albert, and I'm here to remind you of one thing. Someday, you're going to die. Now that's not some morbid statement or scary idea. It's solid fact. Your time here on this earth is limited.

And we need to be reminded of this as much as possible for one simple reason, to live your best life while you can. This is the Warrior Soul podcast.

You know, right now, I'm buying a house. And, you know, one thing about buying a house is is it's a process. Right? You you go out, you look at a bunch of properties, you try to figure out which one is gonna work best for you, then you find one. And you put a little bit of money down, something to lock in the contract, put it under contract, and then you bring out an inspector.

The inspector checks everything, checks all the electrical wiring, checks the roof, checks the plumbing, checks every little bit of that house. The reason you bring that inspector out is because once you bought that house, you're living with all of its problems. And then once you buy the house, you're you're responsible for everything. So, you know, if you own a house right now, you've probably put a good bit of work into it. Right?

You probably made sure the electrical is okay, made sure the plumbing is okay, made sure the roof is not leaking. Right? You're taking care of the lawn. You're taking care of the landscaping. You you're trying to make the house look nice to bring the property value up.

And, generally, that's the mentality we have when we're doing a big monetary investment like that. Right? You're taking on a lot of responsibility. Today, we're not gonna be talking about real estate. We're gonna be talking about another major investment that a lot of people neglect, but it's the relationship that you're in, your romantic relationship, your partner.

Now here's the deal. You know, we might think of all these monetary investments like real estate and and, you know, the stock market, and we might think of those as things that carry a lot of risk. They we might think of those as things that that also carry with them a lot of responsibility. But I'll tell you this from experience. There is nothing that can ruin your life more or enhance your life more than a relationship.

If you're in a bad relationship, if you're in a bad marriage, there is nothing that can destroy you as a human being, as a man, than a bad relationship with your significant other. And I'll also tell you that if you're in a good relationship, if you're with somebody who supports you, loves you, does everything they can to bring out the best in you, and you do that for them in return, there's nothing more valuable in this world. So many people, for some reason, neglect this. Right? Especially in our community.

The divorce rates are so high, and a lot of that is because of the job. But a lot of these divorces are also happening long after we get out. So what I've done for you today is I'm bringing expert on. I am by no means an expert on any of this stuff myself. I've screwed it up a whole lot.

I've got the scars to show for it. But mister Luis Congdon is an expert. He has worked on the largest research project related to marriages in The United States. He is also an author and an expert on relationships. He's got his own podcast, his own blog, he's written for some of the top journals in the world and he's a really great guy.

With that, let's get into this conversation with relationship expert, Luis Congdon. One. Luis Congdon, welcome to the show, man.

Luis Congdon 00:06:10 (link to this point)

Hey. I'm excited to be here. What a pleasure.

Chris Albert 00:06:13 (link to this point)

Yeah. You know, I I first learned about you actually. It was a a a LinkedIn post that my friend Ryan Michler had put up, from Order of Man podcast, and he was talking about your podcasting course. Then I went over and did the podcasting course myself, and and that's part of what you do. But you also work with couples on relationships.

Right?

Luis Congdon 00:06:37 (link to this point)

I do. I do. You know, actually, I originally started my business. My first business was actually coaching couples and helping couples have healthy, successful relationships. And I had previously worked for one of the nation's largest research projects, looking at what makes marriages last and what qualifies as a healthy, successful marriage.

And so that was that work was backed by over thirty years of research, some of the most bona fide research ever done. And so it's not the stuff that I that I've learned and the stuff that I utilize isn't, like, empirical research, just like someone's opinion or someone's view from just meeting a few people. This comes from the University of Washington, government backed research, and decades and decades, and, you know, over 50,000 couples looked at and researched. And I I have been doing that work for a long time, and there was just a little offshoot for a little while where I was teaching people how to utilize some of these relationship skill building skills to create a podcast and to run a business. But in my heart, I absolutely love helping men and women have healthy, happy, successful relationships.

And the big reason why I love doing that work is because whatever mom and dad do goes down to their kids. Yeah. Not what mom and dad say. It's what mom and dad do. What they do with each other, and what they do with their kids is actually what the kids see and unconsciously take out into the world.

So absolutely love doing this work and happy to talk about anything with you today.

Chris Albert 00:08:13 (link to this point)

Absolutely. And it's so important. You know, I I I grew up without a dad in the house. I didn't have you know, I had my mom, she was working a lot. She did everything she could for me and my sister.

But, you know, I think in a lot of ways, I've always kind of felt at a disadvantage because I didn't see how, you know, two adults interacted when they actually loved each other or when they were trying to support each other through hard times and things like that. I think in a lot of ways, my own relationships over the years have suffered and it was something that I had to really learn and really research for myself in order to in order to be in a a good relationship.

Luis Congdon 00:08:57 (link to this point)

Yeah. A lot of a lot of us don't get healthy examples. And, you know, as I was saying earlier, most of our learning doesn't come from what we're told. It comes from what we see. Right?

Because so much of education is seeing something just very much like if you wanna learn martial arts or you wanna learn how to be a good soldier, let's say, you don't just learn this stuff because someone says, here's how you hold a gun or here's how you lift a weight. That helps. But you also learn it because you look around you, and that's what people are doing. And so your mind says, that's what people are doing, so therefore, that's what I will do too. And we don't we don't get those examples, then we don't have a very good blueprint, and then we try to make it up as we go, which I think trial and error is fine.

Like, I think trial and error is part of much of our lives. But in the area of relationships, it helps so much when we have a good example. You know, also something you said about growing up with just a mom. As soon as you said that, it brought up this some research that I read about, and it's that mom and dad are really crucial to to, to a kid's upbringing. Whether mom and dad are together or not together, having both parents is so important because mom sets a certain type of role modeling for the child.

Typically, moms are a lot more, like, engaged and a little bit more sensitive to their kid's emotions and needs and a little more protective in a way, and dad tends to be more, like, rough and tumble and playing, and these are more kinda like, go climb that thing. I'll watch you from five feet away, and if you fall, it's okay. You know? And mom's like, I'm right here underneath you. I'll catch you.

And those two different examples are crucial because the kid needs to know, oh, I can take risks, and I'll be safe. But then the kid also needs to know there's gonna be someone there to help me in case I do fall. And having that mix, right, is really important.

Chris Albert 00:10:51 (link to this point)

Yeah. And, you know, there's there's so much there in terms of, you know, number one, thinking about investments. Right? Everybody's thinking about how they can improve themselves, how they can get ahead. And and, you know, the one thing I can tell you from experience is that there's nothing that can ruin your life or that can throw a wrench into what you're trying to do in life than a bad relationship or or ending up in a relationship that ends in divorce or something like that.

Because, you know, I know of people who so many people had to cut their net worth in half or, or eliminated their net worth entirely. I know of so many people who existed in years of misery and stress because of, a really bad relationship situation. And I think it's something that we kind of put on the back burner because we think, Hey, we're gonna learn this. We're eventually there. The other side's gonna come around.

Eventually, I'm gonna figure this whole thing out. I'm gonna be great at it, but it really is something you gotta train on.

Luis Congdon 00:11:56 (link to this point)

Yeah. You know, it's interesting you say that because a lot of people that call me seeking relationship advice and relationship coaching, they're they're a little bit embarrassed. Right? Because it's like, we should have this figured out. By the time they call me, things are usually not in a good place.

They're in a really tough place. And hearing kinda what you're talking about brings up for me that statistics and research and a lot of data had said that men who are in relationships live longer, are healthier, have their likelihood of getting testicular cancer, various other types of cancer, heart attacks go way down. Men who are in relationships live longer than single men, statistically. Men who are married live longer than men who are just dating somebody, and men who have one to two children tend to live the longest. And it's interesting to look at those stats, because it doesn't even matter if the man is in an unhappy relationship.

He still tends to live longer than the man that has no relationship. That isn't to say like, hey. If you're single, you're you're screwed or, like, you're gonna have a short life and your quality of life is gonna be reduced. But there is something kind of interesting to look at that data and just go, you know, relationships really do affect our health. And research even says that men who are in healthy relationships are more productive at work.

Right? And and so for me, what's interesting about all this data is that, one, it's possible that I could be a statistic. Right? It's possible that I could be an outlier and write one book, and it becomes Harry Potter. But there's also a likelihood that I'll be a statistic, and I'll write a book, and hardly anyone will read it.

And I'll have to learn the methods to improve and make it so that, you know, I could do well as a writer. Similarly, in a relationship, statistically, if I don't take the the lessons and and do the work necessary to have a good relationship, statistically, I probably won't have a great relationship. But most of us are not taught that, hey. You know what? Having a healthy relationship very much like being an excellent soccer player or a wordsmith or a writer, same thing.

Right? Or a podcaster, like, taking classes, getting some education will benefit you immensely. And divorce does actually hurt people immensely. And, unfortunately, I think it's because a lot of us just don't know what it takes and don't have good examples. So we just have expectations.

Chris Albert 00:14:25 (link to this point)

Well, let me ask you this. I mean, you know, the population we're we're speaking to right now, mostly veterans. Yeah. Served in the military or people who are actively serving in the military.

Luis Congdon 00:14:36 (link to this point)

And And I work with a fair amount of people in the military, by the way. Absolutely. Audience, but yet very similar still.

Chris Albert 00:14:42 (link to this point)

Absolutely. And and in a lot of cases, you know, particularly over the last decade and a half, a lot of the lot of, you know, one side of the couple was being deployed and they would be gone for months and the other person was left with the kids and they would have to, you know, come along with that. And then you come home, and it is kind of like, you got to fall back into this thing, you know. What is your advice to those who might still be in this situation? And then on the other side of it is those veterans who have gotten out, they're trying to adjust to civilian life, at the same time, trying to adjust to life as a father or a mother, and trying to kind of figure out things as they're going along. What's your advice to them?

Luis Congdon 00:15:29 (link to this point)

I absolutely love that question because every relationship to some degree has this kind of I'm here and I'm not here. Right? But people in the military have more of a prolonged state of that. Right? So, you know, the typical couple might have a nine to five job or slightly different couples, say, like my uncle who leaves for two months to go work on a ship and then comes back for two months or somebody who gets deployed for six, eight, nine, twelve, fifteen months or whatever it might be, their deployment, the key thing is, one, how do you manage that time of absence?

Right? And the longer it is, the more difficult it will be on that relationship relationship to to keep keep that that intimacy intimacy going going or keep that connection. Right? So maybe you could break this up into sections, like how do you manage the deployment, the time when you're away? And then two, how do you manage the time when you're back?

And we can talk about either one of those, but I think those are two fairly different states, and they each might require a different thing, with, you know, within the boundaries of whatever is applicable to if you're deployed, what can you do? Right? What's realistic? Because somebody who's at a job, they can pick up their phone and they can call or they can Skype chat or they can take a lunch break and meet their partner. If you're in a different country, you can't do that.

But then what do do when you're back? So I'm happy to go into either one of those if you'd like.

Chris Albert 00:16:53 (link to this point)

Yeah. Let's let let's go into both. Let's do one at a time.

Luis Congdon 00:16:57 (link to this point)

Okay. Okay. So it during let's say during deployment, whether your deployment is for several months and you're either deployed in a different state or a different country. Right? Typically, I guess, deployment would be you're in a different country.

You're pretty far away. Then the question becomes is, how do I somehow keep that connection alive? And that connection oftentimes will be, you know, write letters, have phone calls, do Skype calls, send your partner little messages as often as possible to just remind them that you love them, that you appreciate them. You know, it's a little tougher. It's kinda like managing a long distance relationship.

And when I work with people who have long distance relationships or people who are in the military, the main thing I tell them is try to stay in touch. Try to keep as much of a schedule as possible. And if there isn't any kind of possibility to have some kind of a schedule, that's okay. But try to stay in touch. And if you can, you know, try to simulate the things that you might do in a relationship.

So, you know, you can't certainly, like, surprise somebody with a birthday gift in person when you're deployed, but maybe you could write a really sweet letter and send that letter off to your partner and include a photograph of something nice that, you know, you saw or you draw a picture for them or you buy some little knickknack and send it to them. That's the equivalent of, you know, like, hey. I love you. I care about you. I was thinking about you.

Here's a little surprise.

Chris Albert 00:18:26 (link to this point)

Let me ask you this because, you know, a lot of times, part of a relationship is communication. And when you're deployed, there's a lot of things you really don't want to talk about you're speaking to a loved one, right? You're going through things that you don't necessarily want them to know about. You're dealing with things you don't necessarily want them to think about. You know, how do you get over that hurdle?

Like, what's your take on that?

Luis Congdon 00:18:52 (link to this point)

Yeah. You know, so every couple I work with will tell me, just about everyone, everyone will tell me. I'll say, know, what's going on in your relationship? What are some of the issues that you're having? And just about everybody says it's communication issues, right?

And just about everybody says we wanna learn how to improve our communication. And what I tell people is we're all pretty excellent at communicating. What we're not good at is understanding. And so maybe you can't tell your partner about everything that's going on, but maybe you can help them understand how you're feeling. You know, hey, I really miss you.

This is why I miss you. I really love you. It's hard for me to be away from you, and this is why. And and and asking your partner how they're feeling and and doing things that let them know. And by doing things, I mean, saying certain things, right, certain phrases or certain ways of processing with the person how they're feeling.

So maybe you're away from your wife and, you know, she's telling you the kids are doing this and that, I don't know what to do. And you can take that and say, hey, I hear that you're feeling really confused about all of this, and it's hard for you to manage. Right? And just those words, I hear that you're feeling, tends to just about always calms people's nervous systems down. Right?

So, I wouldn't say that most people need to improve communication. Although, when you're deployed, maybe, you know, communication is like reaching out and calling or writing a letter. But then what do you do when you're communicating? Right? How do you let the person know that you understand their experience and how they're feeling?

Chris Albert 00:20:29 (link to this point)

Let's flip the script a little bit too. And, you know, for those because we we do have a lot of, you know, wives and husbands of service members who listen to this podcast. What about them? When they are home and the other person is away, what is your advice for that person who then has to stay in their normal life while their significant other is away?

Luis Congdon 00:20:56 (link to this point)

This part, oh, so while the person So your partner is deployed, what do I do to manage my life while my partner is deployed?

Chris Albert 00:21:03 (link to this point)

Right. And how could you best support that that, you know, service member who is deployed while you're while you're at home?

Luis Congdon 00:21:10 (link to this point)

Well, you know, one of the key things that you said, which really kinda gave me an insight to how somebody who's away might feel, because being deployed is not something that anybody goes, oh, man. This is so great. I'm away from my wife and kids. I love this. Right?

Like Right. No. I don't think anybody's thinking that way, especially while they're on the call with their partner or while they're writing a letter. So if you're that person who's at home, when you talk to that, to your partner or when you write them a letter, let them know. I know that there are some things that you probably don't wanna share with me or things that are really hard for you, and I know that you miss us.

And we love you, and we care about you, and we look forward to to seeing you in your home. Like, getting into their perspective, communicate that you understand how they feel. So it's back to showing understanding. And then the question also becomes, how do we maintain those feelings of love when our partner's away and we don't get to talk to them quite as often? And, you know, some of the suggestions that I have for people is, like, I have this deck of cards that I made.

And in that deck of cards, like, one of the questions is, you know, what is one way that your partner gives to your children in a way that you can't? And and you might have moments where you try to purposely draw up feelings of love towards your partner. And in a way, I feel that when we have positive emotions towards someone, there's there's a certain way that that person will feel that. And maybe not in that moment, but when we show up, we've had really good feelings towards that person. And in so many different ways, we communicate how we feel without saying something.

Right? It's like somebody walks into a room and you're like, oh, that person feels angry. Oh, I don't wanna be around that person. Similarly, if you're regularly drawing up positive thoughts about your partner and loving feelings towards your partner, when you do communicate with them, that'll come through. Right?

And that will help kind of keep that relationship bonded even though you don't get kind of the normal stuff that a relationship needs or relies on. Right? So people who are not with their partner in a unique situation, because you just don't have the same type of normal relationship that everybody has. But it's good to remember. This is for a short period of time.

Chris Albert 00:23:31 (link to this point)

I'm gonna ask you a question that I don't it might throw you for a little bit of a loop.

Luis Congdon 00:23:37 (link to this point)

But Yeah.

Chris Albert 00:23:37 (link to this point)

Let's do it. Let's let's think about this. So back to the other side of it, the person who's deployed let's say the person who's deployed actually doesn't feel like that. Let's say that the person who's deployed actually enjoys being deployed, actually enjoys being in theater, actually doesn't necessarily think about the other person a lot and is actually really focused on the job. What would you say that person could do in order to comfort the other person who's stuck at home?

Luis Congdon 00:24:12 (link to this point)

Yeah. I would think of for that person, I think it's completely fine. Right? Like, it's great that you love being away while you're at work. It's great that you're really focused, and it actually probably helps, stifle or hold at bay some of those emotions of missing somebody or the pain of being away.

Right? And I and I think that's gonna be really natural. I would say, though, if possible, try to have a ritual where maybe before bed, you send some loving thoughts to your partner, send some gratitude to your partner, or just instead of since you're the type of person who does enjoy being away and you're very focused in in the job at hand, then maybe you could also just set aside some regular time, whether it's just two minutes even, where you do focus on your wife, or your husband and your children, if you have children, and you think about them, and maybe you write a few things that you're grateful for or things that you wanna say to them that day and and just have that be part of a ritual for you where you set a little time aside for that. Because when people don't think about us and when people are away from us and we feel that they don't miss us and that they're really focused on being away and they love being away or they're excited where they're at, there sometimes are implications, not certainly true, but there are implications that the other person sometimes goes, well, you don't think about me.

Well, you don't call me very often. Well, I can feel you haven't thought about us or you haven't asked me any questions about how I'm doing, and that has some certain ramifications too. Right? So setting a little bit of time aside to create some of that focus so that later when you are in communication with your partner, they can still go, oh, you do think about me. Thank you.

Chris Albert 00:26:00 (link to this point)

Gotcha. Gotcha. I know we're coming up on time in a second here, and I have this is something that I'm probably gonna need to have you back on to talk about. But the process of coming back and getting out of the military, it's like you take off the uniform, you're taking off an identity. You, you kind of leave this aspect of your life behind.

Was probably, you know, it, it made up who you are right. As a person, a lot of people who serve, they're serving from 18 years old on, and it's a big part of who they are. The job is a huge part of who they are. Shedding that and being discharged and then no longer having that can be, you know, I don't know if disheartening is the word, but it can be kind of like an existential crisis where, you know, you've got to blend into this new environment, blend into this new position. And, you know, particularly for men, I think it's difficult because they no longer have that identity that they once identified with as protector and and all these different things.

I mean, obviously, there'll be a protector in their in their household, but it's it's it's different. So, you know, what are some things that both sides can do to kinda understand each other a little bit better in that position?

Luis Congdon 00:27:15 (link to this point)

Yeah. First, I really want to say, yes, this would be a great topic to cover just one show on is how do you acclimate to the home life when you're in the military, whether you've been deployed or you've been gone just for the weekend, or you've been doing this for ten years and all of a sudden you're in a relationship, or you've been doing this for your four year, contract. You signed another four year contract, but it's different. And all of a sudden, you're not longer, like, away for extended periods. Instead, you're gone just for the weekend or for part of the day.

And and I really empathize with that man because what tends to happen in in any scenario, by the way, too, where you have men who are really dedicated to their work and their work is really demanding, when they do get home, there's an expectation that all of a sudden, you're gonna jump in. You're gonna be dad. You're gonna be husband. You're gonna be lover. You're gonna be a counselor.

You're gonna be all these different expectations that while you were at work, you didn't train that part of you. And while you were at work, you exercised your brain, body, and mind to be a very specific type of person. And then as soon as you get home, your partner's like, yay, you're home. What's up? Let's like, you know, let's have you be dad.

Let's go on dates. Let's let's be loving partners. And for a lot of men, that's a shock. Like, oh, woah, I don't know how to do that. And then the wives kinda go, you're not being a very good dad.

You're not being a very good husband. And then the husband goes, well, you don't understand what it's like to be me. This is a shock. They might not say that. Right?

But there's a certain kind of freeze that happens, like, you know, like a deer in headlights, because one partner has been at home and one partner has been thinking about what it would be like to have you around and missing you. And this other person's probably been very focused on work. And the type of work that, being in the military is life or death. Right? So your whole nervous system has to be incredibly involved.

And then all of a sudden, you're being asked to turn off that fight or flight person and to become sensitive, to become a lover, to become a husband, to become a partner, a listener. And it's a very, very different type of world that all of a sudden you stepped in into. And there's a lot of space for, chaos in that transition. Right? Because your partner who is at home, if your partner isn't in the military it's interesting.

When I work with military couples, they at least understand each other. They're like, I know, and this is hard, but I know what my partner's going through when they get home. When your partner hasn't been in the military, it's hard because your partner doesn't understand you, and then it's hard to explain to them what you're feeling and thinking and coming out of your shell and becoming that person that you're expected to be. I think I I just first wanted to empathize with that. If you're in that transition, I understand that it's an extremely hard transition.

And even when I work with, like, civilians, they have a really hard time. Like, I mean, some of my clients work at Google, Facebook. One of my clients is a very high up person at Facebook. And, you know, that type of job is incredibly demanding, managing billions of dollars and thousands of people. And one of the struggles that, you know, these particular people have is that they're very good at their job, but then they struggle to come home and be really good partners because there's such high demand of work performance and being a worker.

And then as soon as you get home, your partner's like, step into being dad, step into being a husband, and it's such a huge contrast. And I just first wanted to acknowledge that if that's you, I really, really get that that contrast has gotta be hard. And so how do we ease into it? And what are some of the mindsets and some of the communication strategies to do that?

Chris Albert 00:31:06 (link to this point)

Yeah. No. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think, you know, we'll definitely have to have you on to talk about some of those strategies and to kind of go into that in a little bit more detail.

You know, I think there's, there are a lot of different scenarios out there here, and we kind of covered those here that that, both veterans and military families are facing. And I think, you know, what it comes down to is acknowledging that you have to train to get better at this stuff. It's not just something you can manifest in yourself. It's not just something that you can magically say, Hey, I'm working on this and it's gonna happen. Relationships take work just like anything else.

And, you know, they're they're definitely worth the work because they can be fantastic. Or if they're not fantastic and if they're they're horrible, they can have a really big detrimental effect on your life.

Luis Congdon 00:32:01 (link to this point)

So Yeah. Yeah. And and it's really worth it for men to work on it. Not not just on the part of it that, like, it makes us feel good and, like, it it is good for us, and the the opposite of, like, being married as opposed to being divorced is expensive and hard. Not just, like, those things, but also just the whole thing of there is a lot of science that says, like, especially for men, the science is really clear about this for men.

Men in relationships live longer, tend to be more productive, feel healthier, and report higher levels of what's called psychological flourishing, which is your level of happiness, productivity, involvement, engagement, and sense of belonging. Those psychological flourishing points are a lot higher for men in relationships, So it's a lot it's very worth it for men to learn how to be in a great relationship because it will make you happier, it will make your life better, and then that spreads out to your community as well. And I think anyone who's gone into the military didn't do it because they wanted to, like they did it out of a sense of pride and belonging and wanting to impact their community. And I think that, ideally, those types of tenets and values carry over into all parts of you. Right?

Not just you're a great soldier and you're great in military. Ideally, you're also a great husband, a great father, a great neighbor, and you carry those tenets and values in other places. And the military, a lot of times, isn't gonna train you how to bring those tenants over into your marriage. And this is where some of the work that I do can help people.

Chris Albert 00:33:36 (link to this point)

Awesome. Awesome. And how do people find you, Luis? Where where can people go to learn more about you and what you do?

Luis Congdon 00:33:43 (link to this point)

Yeah. Let me just say, would love to come back, Chris, and talk about the part about coming back from deployment. Mhmm. Because that part, I'm gonna be a lot more help than in the piece of what do you do while you're deployed. Because even when you asked me those questions, I felt like, oh, this is tough.

And just the fact that I'm, like, sitting comfortably in my backyard going, oh, this is a tough thing to answer and manage, says, man, if you're in that place, it has gotta be really tough. And my heart goes out to you. If you are deployed or you've gone through that experience and are just transitioning, my heart goes out to you because even I, in my comfortable seat with all my degrees and accolades, I had a tough time answering that. And there's no, like, fancy answer or formula for that piece. But when it comes to transitioning and coming back from deployment or being in the military, just coming home after the weekend, that piece, or even separating your military life and your civilian relationship life and learning how to be good at that piece, I can be a lot of help with that, and that's gonna be a lot easier for me to give you steps and and guidance on that.

As far as how people wanna find me, lastingloveconnection.com is my website. I've I've written, you know, dozens of articles there, been on hundreds of podcasts talking about relationships. I love this work, and, I hope that this interview helps. And and I look forward, Chris, to coming back and talking about that other piece. How do you become a good husband in those times when you're not actively in the military space with your home?

Chris Albert 00:35:13 (link to this point)

Alright, guys. I hope that you enjoyed that conversation with mister Luis Congdon. If you want to learn more about Luis, you can head over to his website, which is lastingloveconnection.com. I'll also get all of his social media posts and handles up on the show notes for this episode, which you'll be able to find at www.warriorsoulagoge.com. And with that, guys, I hope that you make the investments required for your relationships.

Again, because there is nothing that can ruin your life or enhance your life more than a relationship. If it's a bad relationship, it will definitely degrade the quality of life. If it is a good relationship, it can enhance the quality of your life beyond anything that you've ever experienced. So with that, guys, I wanna thank you so much. Get out there.

Live your best lives while you can. This is Chris Albert, and I am out.