Dealing with Survivor’s Guilt, Training with Pain, and Book Recommendations – Ask Me Anything

Chris Albert 00:00:00 (link to this point)

The Warrior Soul podcast is written, produced, and edited by me, Albert. Our goal is to empower US military veterans to live their absolute best lives, and we do that by providing tools, tactics, strategies, and ideas that they can apply into their lives to become wiser, stronger, smarter, more resilient, and more capable human beings in the civilian world. If you're not a veteran, stick around because anything we talk about here can obviously apply to you. And if you like what we have to say, any information we provide, and the guests we bring on, please head over to iTunes and write us a written rating and review. It really helps to spread word about the show and to get this helpful information into the hands of more veterans so that they can in turn improve their lives and shape the future of this country.

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We'll have some information for you to check out. With that, let's get into the episode. This is Chris Albert, and I'm here to remind you of one thing. Someday, you're going to die. That's not some morbid statement or scary idea.

It's solid fact. Your time here on this earth is limited. And we need to be reminded of this as much as possible for one simple reason, to live your best life while you can. This is the Warrior Soul podcast. What is going on everybody?

Welcome to this edition of the Warrior Soul Podcast. My name is Chris Albert. And the purpose of this podcast is to empower US military veterans and anybody else willing to listen to live their absolute best lives. And I do that by delivering tools, tactics, strategies, ideas and knowledge that can help my listeners, our listeners to become wiser, stronger, smarter, more capable human beings. And for those of you who are veterans out there, essentially what I'm doing is I'm reminding you of who you are.

Why? Why am I reminding you? Well, because if you've gone through four years or more in the military successfully, you already have it in you. You already have knowledge, you already have wisdom, you already have strength. And that's the thing.

A lot of us forget. A lot of us forget who we once were. A lot of us forget that we took an oath. And then that oath doesn't stop just because you take off a uniform. It needs to continue.

You need to continue to contribute. You need to continue to be a productive member of society. And you need to do your best. Why? Because this world needs it.

Because this country needs it. And so that's why I do this every week. A lot of times I'm talking to somebody who's a lot more, a lot smarter, a lot more accomplished than I am. I just did a had a really crazy string of guests, Bas Rutten and Nick Koumalatsos, Robert Greene, Vincent Rocco Vargas, and by the time you're watching this, we'll publish our episode with Grant Cardone. There are so many great people who want to help this community out and these interviews they really help to I guess bring ideas that maybe you haven't come across before, right?

To show you life paths that maybe you haven't come across before. So I hope that you're taking the opportunity to listen to those and if you like what we have to say, please like this video on YouTube, subscribe. If you're on iTunes make sure you're subscribed. What really drives everything is reviews we get on iTunes. So even if you're watching here on YouTube or watching or listening on another podcasting app, you can head over to iTunes and write us a written rating and review.

It helps us to get this information to the hands of more veterans. So in this Ask Me Anything edition, we're going to be talking about a couple of issues. They're ranging from the very practical to the very serious. And I've got a question from somebody who is getting older getting into his 40s. He's dealing with a lot of aches and pains and bumps and things like that, like we all do as we get older.

And he wants to know what the best nutrition and training regimen will be for him and I'll give some recommendations on that. I'm also going to talk about a couple of books I'm reading and I am also going to talk about a very serious question I got from a gentleman from my private Facebook group. His name is Chris. And his question is, well, how can you live your best life while dealing with survivor guilt from a friend who took his own life? And that's a really serious question.

And it's difficult question to answer. And I'm going start with that one for that reason. So survivor's guilt is something we deal with a lot in the veteran community. I dealt with it quite a bit. I served from 1999 to 2005 and in 2005 I got out.

I had to have an ankle reconstruction and didn't want to re enlist at the time. The day I got back from Iraq, Saddam Hussein was captured, I was like, war is over, I'm going get ready to get out, I'm going to do my thing. But guess what happened? The war wasn't over, A lot of my guys went back. They dealt with a much more difficult deployment to Iraq than mine was.

And a few guys didn't come back home. And it was a rough situation to deal with. Because what was going on in my brain at the time, you know, my life when I got out of the Marine Corps progressively got worse. I was dealing with alcoholism. I was dealing with few other addiction issues.

I was in a lot of financial straits. And it was all of my own doing. It wasn't, I wouldn't say it was like PTSD or anything like that. It was me that was constantly screwing up. One of the stories I had going on in my own head during the time was that this was my punishment.

This is my punishment for not doing what I should have done and re enlisting and going off to Fallujah. This is my punishment because I was supposed to die or get seriously injured in combat. And because that didn't happen, then God or the universe or whatever is going to make my life progressively worse and I just have to accept it for what it is. And so with those thoughts and feelings I progressively dive deeper into alcoholism. I progressively dived deeper into a lot of other behaviors that were not serving me.

And I lived that lie for nearly a decade, until I looked at myself in the mirror one day and I said, 'Is this really how you want to live your life? Is this really how you want to go out?' And, you know, I kept when did that, I basically reminded myself, I took an oath to serve this country. I wore the uniform. I was taught to serve with honor. I was taught the core values of honor, courage and commitment.

And everything I was living in my life at that point wasn't living up to any of that. And I think that when it comes to a situation like this, and Chris, I know you're dealing with such such a difficult situation. You have to go back to one basic thing. And this is a concept that Epictetus talks about. If you ever read his manual called 'Enchiridion' or the manual'.

He was a stoic philosopher who lived over two thousand years ago, very very wise teachings. And his manual is a manual for living and the first thing he says is that you want to live a good life, one of the first things you need to sort out is understanding what you can control and what you cannot control. Here's the thing, there's a lot you can't control. You can't control the circumstances of your birth. You can't control your race.

You can't control whether you're going to live or die. You can't control when others are going to live or die. You can't control natural disasters. There's a whole host of things you can't control. Right?

A lot of people worry about politics and the news. The reality is, there's a lot of that we can't control either. So the big thing you need to understand here is that when you're putting yourself into a situation where you are putting a lot of guilt on yourself for losing a friend, well essentially what you're doing is, is you're lying to yourself and telling you, telling yourself that there's a lot more to control than you could. And then the other thing you're doing is you're saying, okay, because I believe that I have this type of control, I'm going to progressively make my life worse off. And is gonna sound harsh, but that's also it's very selfish when you actually think about it.

It's an extremely selfish thing we do. I'm not saying anybody's bad for doing this because it's an innate human thing. But it's an extremely selfish thing we do. Because essentially what we're saying is that because this situation over here sucked, Well, I'm gonna hang up my responsibility. I'm just, you know, that that all those ideas I had, all those dreams I had, all the ways I wanted to make this world a better place.

Well, I'm gonna hang that up right now. Because I don't deserve it. Right? I mean, about that. Because that's essentially what you're saying.

And so, one of the things you if you've got guilt overriding you right now, one of the things you need to start to think about is, well, how guilty are you going to feel if you let this life slip away because of what happened? How guilty are you going to feel if twenty years from now you're looking in the mirror and you are in a situation where you've let this situation, you let this incident take so much away from you? And I don't know much about your personal life, or the personal lives of anybody else out here who's listening, but I'm sure a lot of you have family. You have friends, you have children, you have wives, girlfriends, husbands, maybe you're a mother. And if you're hanging up your responsibility and saying, okay, I'm just going to check out.

Then, essentially, that's a very selfish act. So how do you get out of it? Right? That's a good question to ask. How do you get yourself out of a situation like this?

Well, it comes down to this. You need to understand what you are going to find meaning in. Right? You need another mission. And that means that rather than sitting there and looking at making your life better as something because that's essentially what you're saying, you're saying I'm being selfish by trying to live my life right now when my friend's not here.

Well, what you need to start doing is, start looking at your life and seeing how you can help other people who are still here. Again, goes back to what you can control and what you can't. You need to start going back and thinking about how you can add value. What can you bring to this world? Live your life in terms of what you can do for others.

There's a book that I read over the summer after losing a friend that really had a huge impact on me. And it's called Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. I've talked about it a lot here on the show. And one of the things that Viktor Frankl says in there, you know, if you know the story, Viktor Frankl was a Holocaust survivor. He, for three years, he lived in a Nazi concentration camp.

And he witnessed countless murders. He lived in filth, dirt and squalor. And, you know, one of the things he says is that in that Nazi concentration camp, survival wasn't an accidental thing. Right? It wasn't.

If you wanted to survive a camp like that, you had to actively ensure your survival. And so he brought up the question, well, with people living in camps like this, right, living in filth, their own excrement, bitter cold, no pleasure at all. And along with that, the knowledge that their families, many times their children, their wives had also been killed. What would make a person want to survive that? What would make a person want to survive that?

And his answer is meaning. He says that the prisoners who survived, who did everything they could to survive, well, they found meaning in their survival. And for him, he was a doctor and he found meaning in treating the patients and in fact he had opportunities to escape and he didn't do it because he didn't want to leave his patients. So that's the biggest piece of advice I can give you. Try to find a way to bring meaning to your life.

And you can't chase meaning. The only way meaning can come about is by allowing it to ensue. And the way it ensues is by acting for a cause that's greater than yourself, or by helping a person in a way that you are helping them in spite of your own problems. Right? So that's the biggest piece of advice I can give you.

And it's not easy. Like finding meaning is difficult. But at the same time, it's all around us, if we want it. You can live an amazing life under some of the direst of circumstances as Viktor Frankl talked about. And start looking, start trying to see how you can help others, how you can provide value to others and how you can serve others.

And that's the best thing I can tell you. So Chris, I hope and I'm going to say some prayers for you and I'm saying some prayers for everybody else out there who's going through things like this. I hope that makes sense. And either way you guys can reach out to me if you have any questions about that. The next question I got was from Farhad and he was asking about, you know, he's getting older right now.

And he's dealing with aches and pains and lack of mobility. And I just turned 40 this last year. And currently I'm going through an ulcerative colitis flare up. And so I'm dealing with I'm anemic, I've been losing weight, I'm dealing with my own aches and pains. But, I've been continuing to get into the gym.

And having ulcerative colitis, I've had it for over twelve years now. Inflammation is something that if left unchecked, can make my life a living hell. And it's the same thing with all of you. So the first thing to ask yourself, if you're getting older and you're dealing with inflammation is you have to ask yourself, where does inflammation come from? Where does inflammation come from?

A lot of people don't know this, but nearly universally inflammation starts in the intestinal tract. And this is why I talk so much about digestive issues. Your intestinal tract contains about 75% of your immune system. And it's also connected to your brain in multiple places. And so if you're not digesting your food properly, if you are getting undigested food particles in your intestinal tract, can cause damage.

And essentially what happens when damage happens, intestinal tract becomes more permeable. And because it becomes more permeable, that means your immune system starts interacting with foreign particles. And that's where they call them inflammatory cytokines begin to come out. And those are chemicals that get sent throughout the body and they cause low level aches and pains and it's chronic. So there's two types of inflammation, there's acute inflammation and there's chronic inflammation.

Acute inflammation happens after you've gotten injured. With acute inflammation, that helps to actually start the healing process. With chronic inflammation, it's low and slow. It's like a low burning flame. And at first you don't feel it.

But over time, that's how those aches, those pains, they develop. Now there's a few other things to think about here. Number one, testosterone. So as men testosterone is extraordinarily important. It's important for females too but on lower levels, as men testosterone is extraordinarily important.

Testosterone gets produced in our testicles and the precursors get produced in our brains. So think about what I just said there, about inflammation traveling everywhere, about your intestinal tract getting connected to your brain, and about the fact that this is a low level flame. When you are dealing with inflammation in the gut, a couple of things happen. Number one, those inflammatory cytokines are going everywhere and your testicles, where a lot of your testosterone is produced, they're very sensitive, That's why they're outside of your body. They don't like body heat and they don't like inflammation.

And the Leydig cells within your testicles that produce testosterone, well essentially what happens is when you're in a very very highly inflamed state, Leydig cells they start to die off. And it's a big reason why testosterone deficiency starts to occur. But on another level, and this involves veterans specifically, in our brains we're producing the precursors for testosterone. So we produce follicle stimulating hormone and luteinizing hormone. And so those veterans out there who are suffering from traumatic brain injury, well what can happen is the production of those two precursors can start to get shut down.

It can also shut down your growth hormone production. And that can completely shut down hormonal cascade. But even if you don't have traumatic brain injury, if you're getting a significant amount of inflammation, brain inflammation can ensue and it can lead to that situation as well. So in terms of diet, the very first thing you want to do if you're going to stave off inflammation is you want to start optimizing your digestion. And there's a few things you can do to do this.

I wrote an article for T Nation, last year about this. So number one, you need to make sure you're chewing your food as much as possible. You need to chew your food until it's liquid over and over again. Number two, what you need to do is you need to make sure that you are keeping a good acidic environment in your stomach. So a lot of people they'll get heartburn, in Italian we call it agita, and they start taking Tums or antacids.

If it gets really severe they start taking something called proton pump inhibitors that's like Nexium, the drug Nexium. Doctors tend to put people on this but one of the things that happens if you are getting heartburn usually it's because you're not producing enough stomach acid. And so when you start taking one of these proton pump inhibitors or antacids essentially what you're doing is you are limiting your stomach's ability to digest food. So what happens is a lot of undigested food, it passes from the stomach through the duodenum and into your intestinal tract. And that's where it starts to cause real havoc.

So you want to try to make sure you're chewing your food, avoid antacids, if you're having issues with heartburn and you're not producing enough stomach acid, a couple things you could do. Number one, you could add about thirty drops of digestive bitters, digestive bitters off of Amazon, stick you those into a glass of water, drink that about thirty minutes prior to a meal. You can also take digestive enzymes. Digestive enzymes can help you to break down protein, carbs and fats in your stomach And that will also help to facilitate digestion. So that's what you do for your upper gastrointestinal tract.

For your lower gastrointestinal tract a couple other things are really important here. Number one, bacteria. Bacteria is extraordinarily important. So that means that number one you want to try to eat a good amount of prebiotic foods. Now I'll talk about probiotics in a second, but prebiotic foods.

So what are prebiotic foods? They have something called resistant starch in them. And resistant starch attracts friendly bacteria. And so what you want to do is, is you can get it's called the YUCAN starch, that's something you can add to water or you can just eat unripened bananas, you can eat white rice that's been cooked and then cold, you could eat potatoes that have been cooked and then cold, you get to use cassava flour in your cooking, things like that, that'll help to attract the probiotic bacteria. And then you can actually supplement with probiotics and or you can take drink kombucha or you can add what I do is I add about a cup of kimchi or raw sauerkraut to my food like a condiment to bring in some good fermented foods to help with that digestion.

So that's to take care of your upper and lower digestive tracts. Really, really important guys. And I'll post a link to that article in the show notes, so that you guys can take a look. When it comes to other things, you really do want to make sure that you're getting a good diet. Now notice I'm not going into specifics here because everybody needs different things, but you want to have a good nutrient dense and digestible diet.

That means that if you're eating things like nuts, you should be soaking those nuts before. I eat brazil nuts, I soak them for twenty four hours and then I store them in the freezer. You should, if you're eating quinoa or grains or things like that you should be sprouting them before you eat them to break them down and make them more digestible. With breads you should try to aim for sprouted wheat breads, that helps to break down that wall around the grain, helps to germinate it so that it's more digestible, you actually get way more nutrition from it. So that's another thing.

Make sure you're eating a good amount of fruits and vegetables to make sure you're getting your vitamins and again I'm giving very general things here because I can't give cookie cutter programs out over a podcast, right? But those are the basics, right? You want to make sure you're getting the right amount of calories, not overeating calories, things like that. The more you overeat calories, right, if you're eating tons and tons of junk and you're secreting lots of insulin, that's another thing that can give rise to inflammatory cytokines, because your fat cells can actually start to release them as well. So that's why a lot of people who have problems with obesity also have problems with hormones, problems with testosterone and things like that.

So make sure that you are eating enough calories but also not eating so much that you're adding lots and lots of body fat. And for you younger guys out there, those of you who love bulking and love permabulking, it's a good reason not to bulk for extended periods. You should try to keep yourself a little bit leaner, right? A little bit on the leaner side when you're trying to bulk and really try to do a clean bulk. So again, those are very basics when it comes to nutrition.

When it comes to training as you're getting older, and this is something I'm dealing with a lot. One of the things I have stopped doing when I used to go into the gym, used to go in with the aim of maxing out every single time, pushing myself to the extreme. And the problem with that in my old age is that the risk isn't worth the reward anymore. So if you see videos of me working out and training now versus when I was training back then, back then I'd always post videos of myself with 400 pounds on my back, repping it out with squats, things like that. Now you don't see me going over 300 pounds ever.

Usually you're gonna see me with like 135 on my back, right? And that's because again, risk isn't worth the reward. I've built the base strength that I'm going to have for the rest of my life already. I've already put that work in. So now in my older years, my main aim is to ensure that I'm strong, but the main purpose is to keep me from getting injured.

Why? Well because as an older guy I still want to be active. I want to be out there hiking, I want to be out there playing sports, I want to be out there rolling jiu-jitsu. And so the reason why I'm weight training is to avoid injury, To build, more stability in my joints and to avoid any injury that's going to come out come about from anything else I'm doing. So you want to look at your training in a really realistic fashion.

You don't want to be going to the gym all the time and just going balls to the wall. You should still have a few difficult workouts, they should still be challenging, but you shouldn't be literally spent every time you come out of the gym. That's just gonna mess you up, it's gonna screw you up. Alright, so that's the biggest, best piece of advice I can give you if you're getting older and you're dealing with those aches and pains. Alright, and I'm with you guys.

I'm getting older as well. Another thing I can say is you want to make sure that you know with your supplementation, I include fish oil, significant amounts of fish oil. I include a lot of magnesium, well five hundred milligrams magnesium a night and I'll go over that because it loosens your bowels. But that helps with inflammation as well. I'm supplementing with vitamin D, vitamin K2.

Vitamin K2 helps to reduce calcification. Vitamin D is essential for fighting inflammation. Scientists actually consider it to be a hormone. And vitamin A which actually helps to activate the vitamin D. Sorry, I tend to nerd out on this stuff guys.

I'm a nutrition coach and trainer by profession. So if some of the science is over your head, again, feel free to ask me any questions. All right. So finally, if I haven't made your eyes glaze over with that science talk, I want to talk to you about a couple of books I'm reading. The first book is Xenophon's The Persian Expedition.

It's also called Anabasis. And I came across this book after reading Call Sign Chaos by General Jim Mattis and Bing West. And in that book he talks about Anabasis, he talks about Xenophon, and it's one of the books he read when he was preparing for the invasion of Iraq. And the reason is because Xenophon's Persian expedition was actually an invasion of Iraq in ancient times. And essentially what happened was Xenophon was a philosopher, he was an Athenian, and he went along with this mercenary army, they called it the ten thousand to help Cyrus claim the throne of Persia.

And along the way, Cyrus gets killed, and the 10,000 is left there in the middle of Babylon without any leadership. Everybody around them wants to kill them and they've got to find a way back. And essentially what happens is Xenophon takes charge and he convinces everybody that the way out is to live off the land, to take advantage of every resource they could come across, and to just give up anything they couldn't carry, leave it there and to head back through Syria and on into Turkey and back to the ocean. The reason why I think this is such a good book, it used to be taught in schools, every school child would have read this. The reason why I think this is such a good book is because of the leadership lessons you get from it.

Along the way Cyrus and Xenophon they deal with prospects of mutiny, they deal with all the crazy personalities of their men. Men who were super scared, men who were really superstitious about things they were coming across. You got to remember that ancient times is a time when when people thought gods were everywhere. And so it's really a good leadership lesson and a good book that goes through how to deal with people. And so I highly recommend it.

I'll do a detailed discussion on it in an episode after I get through the entire thing. The other book I want to recommend, and this is one you probably wouldn't think that I recommend, but I'm going to do so anyway. It's called Genuine Authentic and it's an older book. It's from 2003, I believe and it's by Michael Gross. And it's about the life of Ralph Lauren, the fashion designer.

And the reason why I think it's such a great book number one, the writing is phenomenal. Michael Gross is an outstanding writer. But number two, a lot of people don't know that Ralph Lauren literally came from nothing. He was the son of Jewish immigrants, lived in the Bronx. They were very, very poor.

And this guy latched on to his own natural talents, his own abilities, and he created a giant business empire. I mean, guy's a billionaire today. And there's a lot of it. One of the things I want you to get from this is understanding that just because Ralph Lauren is so accomplished doesn't mean he's a perfect individual. He's got a whole lot of problems, a whole lot of issues.

And Michael Gross definitely gets into that. But one of the things, the reason I'm bringing this up is because I think it's so value to read biographies of great people and people who've been there, who've done that, who've made it. And the reason why it's so important to do so is so that you can understand that people don't get to become billionaires under perfect conditions. Like literally every single one of us faces tragedy, we face hardship, we face difficult times. And a lot of us like to think that that tragedy, that hardship, you know, some of the stuff I was talking about before, makes us special.

The truth is, it doesn't. It doesn't make us special because everybody's open to going through those things. Every single one of us. And so if we're going sit here and we're going to say, oh, I'm going through this time right now. It sucks so bad, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, I get it. It sucks. But it doesn't make you special. You're not exempt from life, because you've had a hard time. You're not exempt from life, because the world is throwing obstacles at you right now.

You're not exempt from pursuing your dreams because the world is throwing obstacles at you. So, if you want something, if you want to make something happen, you have to understand that the conditions are never going to be perfect. And there really is no excuse guys, There really isn't. This book and also Total Recall which is an autobiography by Arnold Schwarzenegger. I mean those are phenomenal books to read.

If you're feeling sorry for yourself and you think oh I'm not gonna be able to do anything, I've got this issue so it's just not gonna happen for me. Then you have another thing coming. You're lying to yourself literally. Lying to yourself. You're cheating yourself out of life's greatest gifts when you tell yourself things like that.

So, and that's all I got for tonight, guys. Sorry, I've been losing my voice over here. I am, you know, getting past this ulcerative colitis flare up, I'm still trying to train as much as possible trying to take care of myself, but my goal is to get healthy by the holidays. And, you know, those of you who reached out to me over social media to encourage me and push me forward, I really appreciate that. So thank you so much to all of you and everybody who's been supporting this podcast from the beginning.

For those of you out there who want to support the podcast, you do so in a lot of ways and, you can head over to the Warrior Soul shop that's up at warriorsoul.shop. You buy some of our gear, we've got shirts made by US Marine Corps veterans, designed by US Marine Corps veterans. It's great shop we've got up there in Santa Barbara. The shirts are absolutely awesome. If you want to support us by our Patreon, right, sorry, I'm getting out of it right now.

Our Patreon, you can head over to www.patreon.com/warriorsoulpodcast. And finally, we've got the Warrior's Obituary Society, which is a way that you could support yourself. It's a group for men that empowers men to live absolutely epic lives worthy of epic obituaries. And the way it works is we got an eight week development program, you come in and we're working on helping you to outline your vision, getting really specific and clear about what you want. We're helping you to outline goals.

We're working on specifics in your life, helping you to customize your own fitness and training plan, helping you to build your own personal finance plan and helping you to create relationships, create a network and to focus on your business and career. If you're interested in that, you can head over to www.warriorobituarysociety.com and you can check that out there. With that guys, I want to thank you so much for listening. We'll be back at you later on this week with some more awesome episodes. We've got Nick Bare, awesome YouTuber, awesome endurance athlete, strength athlete, head of BPN Nutrition.

He's coming on to the show. We've got some other great guests coming up as well. So I'll talk to you guys soon. Peace.