How Not to Give Up Your Manhood by Age 35

Chris Albert 00:00:00 (link to this point)

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I hope you get a lot out of it. And without delay, let's get into it.

This is Chris Albert, and I'm here to remind you of one thing. Someday, you're going to die. That's not some morbid statement or scary idea. It's solid fact. Your time here on this earth is limited.

We need to be reminded of this as much as possible for one simple reason, to live your best life while you can. This is the Warrior Soul podcast.

Benjamin Franklin once said that most men die at age 25, but we don't bury them until they're 70. And I'm not sure if that's an exact quote. You can check me on it, but you get the gist of what mister Franklin was trying to say. There comes a point in many men's lives where they give up their zest for life. They no longer have that yearning for excitement anymore.

And a lot of men just simply live to work. They're machines to earn money for the household. And the rest of their time is basically controlled by their wives or other obligations. What I want to talk to you about today is how not to give up your manhood at age 30. And it's a subject that's been one, I think, of increasing importance when you look out at society today.

I think that there's a lot of men who are taking a passive role in their roles as fathers, and in their roles as husbands. And because of that, they're extraordinarily unhappy, and so are their wives and their partners. And the thing about it is this, it's easy to fall into passivity. You know, when you hit 30, you start to see your life just as work. Right?

You're working eight to twelve hours a day, you come home, you just wanna get some rest or hang out on the couch. And when you do that, that's inevitably when it happens. Your wife brings something up that you forgot to do, or she's interrupting your thought pattern, you know, thinking about your day because you were super pissed off about it, and you get intensely annoyed at her, and it seems like she's nagging you all the time. And the fact of the matter is that for a lot of you, what you're doing is you're completely surrendering the management of the household and of your family's finances to your wife. And so that's when she starts to get worried.

Now, I'm no relationship expert. I'm not somebody who can tell you what to do or who can confidently tell you what to do to, you know, fix your marriage or anything like that, and that's not really my role or anything that I'm trying to do here. But what I do want to do is to talk to you about the things that you do have control over, the things that are gonna help you to maintain a strong footing in all of your relationships and in your life, and that the things that are gonna bring greater breadth to your life so that your life isn't entirely encompassed by going to work and then hanging out on the couch all night long watching Netflix and then getting annoyed when somebody interrupts you. So what I want to talk to you about today are four different things that I think you could implement in your life. You're probably telling yourself right now that you can't, but four things that you should try to incorporate into your life that will help you to have that time, to find yourself again, to assert yourself again.

So let's get into it. The first thing is this, and I think it's the most important. It's fitness. You need to be fit. You need to be physically capable as a man.

And that doesn't mean necessarily going to the gym every single day for two or three hours. It doesn't mean running five, six, seven miles a day. What it does mean is putting yourself into a place to where you're going to be physically capable of handling anything that gets put in front of you. Right? For most of our history, as as a species, men had very physical roles to play.

They went out and they did the hunting. They, you know, were out working the fields. They were out doing all the heavy lifting, and many men walked miles every day just to do their daily work. But today, a lot of us are behind desks or sitting there staring at computer screens or we're in a truck seat or we are working on it with a machine that makes all of our work a whole lot easier than it once was. And because of that, well, a lot of us put on a lot of weight.

And because we don't have a good deal of physical activity in our lives, another thing that tends to happen is our levels of testosterone tend to drop, and that's when things like depression start to ensue. So it's really, really important that you keep some physical activity in your life. Now that means lifting some weights, it also means getting out there and moving. And like I said, I think one of the big mistakes that men make in seeing to their fitness is that they start to believe that they've got to train like a professional bodybuilder, or they start to believe that they've got to train like a professional CrossFit athlete in order to stay in shape, and that's just not the case. If you don't have the time to get to the gym, you can do everything that you need to with a simple kettlebell that's kept in your living room.

Right? You could do kettlebell swings, you could do presses, you could do front squats, you can put the kettlebell on your back and squat, you can deadlift with it, you can put it on your shoulder and walk for a couple of miles with that kettlebell, and that's a great workout. My point is this, whether it's a kettlebell or a dumbbell or any other implement, you don't need a fancy gym to go to to spend two hours a day at. Alright? Because even if you were doing that, when something comes up in your life, you're going to find an excuse so that you don't have to get to the gym.

But keeping something like kettlebell in your house takes all of your excuses away. Now, and I don't want this to sound like I don't recommend barbell training because I love barbell training. I work with a barbell every week, but I keep that kettlebell in my office for those days when I know I'm gonna have a problem getting to the gym. Like today, I've got three podcasts to record, and I've got, like, 18 phone calls that I have to make. I'm probably not gonna be able to get to the gym and get a full workout in.

So what I'm gonna do when I find ten minutes of time is I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna do a 100 kettlebell swings and 50 burpees. Alright? That's great physical activity. And like I said, with the burpees, you don't even necessarily need a kettlebell, you could do calisthenics training and you could get a great workout in. You could do burpees, you could do push ups, you could do body weight squats, you could do lunges, so many exercises that you do outside of the gym.

And if you're not finding the time in your day, well guess what you could do. If you've got kids to watch, well, while the baby's sleeping, you can be right there next to the crib training with that kettlebell. Or if you're sitting down, you're watching TV with the family, guess what? Every commercial break, you can get up and you could do 10 to 20 burpees or 10 to 20 push ups or 10 to 20 kettlebell swings. Alright?

It doesn't have to be a two hour workout. The point is that you're getting your physical activity in, and you're allowing yourself to experience that physical exertion. So big thing to take away from this show, if you haven't been able to get to the gym, commit yourself to just getting a few ten minute workouts in every week, right? And it can start like that. Maybe you're doing a ten minute workout three times a week.

And then take a after you've done that for a bit, take a good hard look at your schedule. Where where else can you find ten minutes? Where else can you find ten minutes to do some push ups, some squats, some lunges, or something like that? Work that in, and before you know it, you might be able to get two or three ten minute sessions in per day. And at that point, guess what?

You're getting thirty minutes of training in every single day. Alright? Now I also recommend that you do try to get some cardio work in. I know that's a foreign word. It doesn't have to be every day.

That could be like two or three times a week. And like I said, it could be just you picking up the kettlebell and going for a ten to fifteen minute walk with it. Things like that will keep your heart healthy, they'll keep your testosterone up, and it'll actually make you feel better. You think better after a workout. You think better when you've got more physical activity in your life.

The next thing I want to talk to you about is this, and and it is finding friends. Right? Now, I've talked about this with Steven Mansfield on the podcast before. He talks about the importance of finding your band of brothers, but one thing that men tend to do in their thirties is they move away from their friends, either physically or mentally. They no longer talk to the guys they once hung out with.

Now, that could be because those guys were poor influences on you. Maybe they were your old drinking buddies. Maybe they were getting you into trouble that you didn't want to be in. And maybe when you got married, you subconsciously said that, Hey, I don't want to hang around with these guys anymore because they're going get me in trouble with my wife. But one of the things I would say is this, you need to have other men in your life.

Other men that you can talk to, other men that you could bounce ideas off of, other men who are going to help hold you accountable. And it is one of the hardest things, I think, for men in their thirties and beyond to do is to find new friendships with guys they actually get along with. So how do you do that? How do you find new friendships? Guys that are going to raise you up rather than take you down and and who are gonna be a good influence on your life.

Well, first, you gotta make sure that you're getting out of the house at some point. One of the things that I've been able to do in the past couple years is jiu-jitsu. Alright? And that helps me to kill two birds with one stone. I get an amazing workout, and I get to meet a lot of other men who are good men to know.

Men with you know, who are motivated, men who wanna move forward in their lives, men who are committed to learning a martial art. And, you know, that has allowed me to establish awesome relationships with my coach and some of the guys that I train with. Other ways that you could do this are by joining different groups in your community. If there's different clubs out there, maybe there's a tactical shooting team nearby.

And if there's not a group, maybe you can start your own group. Maybe you can get a bunch of guys together from your town and get them into training. Maybe you host workouts in your backyard or in a local park. There's a lot of great things you can do, but the point is this, you need to be out around other men who are working toward great things in their lives. And if you lose that, you're gonna lose a part of yourself.

You're gonna lose that part of yourself that was pleasant to be around. And when you don't have that outlet, somebody to talk to who's not your wife or not your kids, then what happens is you're not able to be your best for your wife and your kids because you start to take out your resentment on them. Right? So you need that outlet. You need to be around other guys.

You need to be able to have those kinds of conversations, those hard conversations that only men can have with each other. So that's another big thing that I think you need to do. Another really important thing that I think you should try to implement in your life is a hobby. Something that takes you away from your work, something that takes you away from all of the other obligations you have in your life, something that will allow you to clear your head. And that could be any number of things.

It could be woodworking. It could be fishing. It could be something physical like jiu-jitsu. Right? But the point is that you need to have some kind of hobby in your life that allows you to be a man, but not in your role as as a worker or an employee or anything like that.

But that allows you to express yourself in a way that's creative, that's physical, or that allows you to provide something else to your family or your friends. That's a big reason why I think my grandfather was so into fishing and hunting. Because whenever he shot a deer or caught a bunch of fish, what he would do is he'd fillet them or butcher them, then he'd wrap them up and he'd show up at the neighbor's house with a bunch of meat or a bunch of fish that they could have. Right? That was a big part of his friendships was that he was always coming around and and giving things to people.

And that doesn't have to just be with with meat or fish. If you're into woodworking, you could take, a piece of furniture and you can give it to somebody, or you can make something for your wife that she's always wanted for the house. Right? These are things that help you to feel a sense of contribution in your life, a sense that you're bringing something back to the tribe. Right?

So just another big thing to implement. And you don't have to be a master at a hard hobby to start it. Right? That's the best part of having a hobby. Right?

It's not meant to become your profession. It's not meant to be something you're gonna earn money for. It's just meant to be something that takes you away from your life that can help you to empty your mind. And that's the best part of it. Right?

It also gives you an opportunity to meet other men who are highly productive. Right? If you're out there and you're, let's say, going to the shooting range all the time, or let's say you're going to the fishing hole all the time. Right? You can meet other men who you have a lot in common with, and that's gonna be a much better place to meet guys who are gonna be a good influence on you than, let's say, meeting them at the bar or something like that and and recreating your own drink your old drinking buddy days.

Alright? So those are other really important aspects. The final one I think that you should try to do is this. Take a more active role in your own personal management. Now, what am I saying here?

Well, what I'm saying is that a lot of guys, they get to a point to where their wives or their girlfriends are making a lot of decisions for them. What they wear, how they wear their hair, what their haircuts look like, what they're doing with their household budgets, all of these little things, they add up. And so when that happens, a woman feels like she is in a place where many times the man doesn't care. Doesn't care about what he wears, doesn't care about his personal appearance, doesn't care about what the house looks like. And she feels like she has to make all these decisions.

So what I'm telling you is this, you need to take a more active role in that stuff. Because what happens is you slowly cede control over everything. And what I've been told by a lot of relationship experts is that that is one of the most unattractive things to a woman is when she feels like she has to be in charge of everything. She feels like she's got to be a mommy to you. And it's just not a good way to live.

So take a look at your life, see what your wife, your girlfriend is managing for you, and start to take control back. Start to learn a bit about how to dress, to keep yourself neat, develop your own style. Right? Take a look at your house. See what different types of projects you could take up to make the house look better.

Alright? And and talk to your wife, talk to your girlfriend. When when she's got issues that concern the budget, or some of the other things she might be nagging you about. Make sure you're attentive and listening to her, right? Don't turn your brain off.

And that's the biggest thing. And overall, don't turn your brain off, right? A lot of us are just going through our lives as robots, going day to day, feeling like we're pre programmed to do our work, pre programmed to go about our days, and it shouldn't be like that. If you don't want to lose your manhood by the age of 30, then make sure you're taking an active role in your life. Make sure that you're maintaining a good band of brothers that's having a positive influence on you.

And above all, make sure you're making decisions for yourself and acting like a man. There's nothing that is attractive or that's manly about a man who's passively living his life. I hope that helps you guys out. And let me know what you think of that. I've been trying to incorporate a lot more of pieces of advice in these Warrior Notes episodes that I think are relevant to our community.

And if you liked it, let me know. If you didn't like it, let me know. Right? This podcast is about you guys, and I wanna know where I'm helping and where I'm falling short. Beyond that, I also wanna say this, if you are a man who's looking to live your absolute best life, take a look at the Warrior's Obituary Society. This is a community that I've developed within Warrior Soul that's meant to empower men to live their absolute best lives, lives worthy of epic obituaries. And it starts with an eight week development program. That's where we take our members through a training plan where they're looking at their fitness, they're looking at their finance, they're looking at their goals, their vision, where they want to go in life, and they're setting themselves up to accomplish a major mission. Once our members are through that eight week development program, then the work really begins.

You've set goals, and now it's time to work toward them. And each week we get together to a live with a live call, and we hold each other accountable for what we were supposed to work on that week for our goals. We're also we also communicate every single day over our private forum on our Slack workspace. We don't do anything with this group over social media for privacy purposes and to keep you from being distracted. Know, every time you're signing on Facebook, you get a million different notices about messages and things like that.

No. I want you focused on your life. And the communication and discussions over the Slack channel are absolutely awesome. We focus on a number of different subjects on that channel. And we also do voice communication over Voxer.

So listen, if you're interested in this, if you think that the Warrior's Obituary Society is something that you'd like to be a part of, send me an email over at chris@warriorsoulagoge.com. That's chris@warriorsoulagoge.com. We'll set up a call, and we'll talk about it. We'll see if you're a right fit for the group and if we're a right fit for you. With that, again, thank you for listening to the Warrior Soul podcast.

I hope this episode was extremely helpful. And we'll be back at you later on this week with some more awesome content. With that, I am out.